His And Hers ATMs

HIS: 
1. Pull up to ATM 
2. Insert card 
3. Enter PIN number and account 
4. Take cash, card and receipt 

HER: 
1. Pull up to ATM 
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 
3. Shut off engine 
4. Put keys in purse 
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine 
6. Hunt for card in purse 
7. Insert card 
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written 
on it.
9. Enter PIN number 
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes. 
11. Hit "cancel" 
12. Re-enter correct PIN number 
13. Check balance 
14. Look for envelope 
15. Look in purse for pen 
16. Make out deposit slip 
17. Endorse checks 
18. Make deposit 
19. Study instructions 
20. Make cash withdrawal 
21. Get in car 
22. Check makeup 
23. Look for keys 
24. Start car 
25. Check makeup 
26. Start pulling away 
27. STOP 
28. Back up to machine 
29. Get out of car 
30. Take card and receipt 
31. Get back in car 
32. Put card in wallet 
33. Put receipt in checkbook 
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 
36. Check makeup 
37. Put car in reverse gear
38. Put car in drive 
39. Drive away from machine 
40. Travel 3 miles 
41. Release parking brake

Sign of drinking problem...

You shout, "I'm not as think you drunk I am."


Sent by JC

why did Santa Anna bring only 4000 troops to the Alamo?

he only had 2 cars.

The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the 
bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do you see that man downing bourbon at 
the bar?"
The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "he's 
been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"
The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even that's not 
worth so much celebrating!"

TWO NUNS AND A BLIND MAN

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother 
Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring 
about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their 
habits, and paint in the nude. 

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the 
nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each 
other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, 
they open the door.

"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"