There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer.
Up walks a so called "lady of the night". She
says, "For $300.00, I'll do anything you want."
Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says:

Ok. Paint my house, bitch! 

A man was driving from New York to San Francisco.  He got as far as
Cleveland, when he realized he was getting terribly horny.  So he looked 
up a house of ill repute and took care of the problem.  Immediately, a 
severe guilt reaction set in, so he went to confession.  For penance, he 
was told to say 10,000 Hail Mary's.  So he went on driving and praying.
By the time he got through with the 10,000 Hail Mary's, he was approaching
San Francisco.  Suddenly he realized he was terribly horny.
So he looked up a house of ill repute, and had an orgy.  Again there was a
severe guilt reaction, so he went to confession.  It was an old Irish 
priest who said, "For penance say three Hail Mary's".  The man said, 
"What??  In Cleveland, I had to say 10,000 Hail Mary's for the same thing.  
Father replied quietly, "Sure now, and what would they know about fucking 
in Cleveland?".

Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's
dreams every night??

A: Hansons.

Q. Why couldn't the Lesbian tennis star compete in the Dutch Open?

A. She got her finger caught in a dike!

Doctor: We operated on your eyes and we've managed to save one of them.

Patient: Oh, thank you very much.

Doctor: Yes, we'll give it to you on your way out.