When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts",
and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had a
wonderful dream last night.  I could see America, the whole beautiful
country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?"  Clinton asks.

Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah."

Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called.  Last night 
I had a similar dream.  I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more 
beautiful than ever.  It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house 
flew an enormous banner."

"What could you see on the banners?"  Saddam asks.

Clinton replies, "I don't know.  I can't read Hebrew."

The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the 
congregation said, "I give ten dollars." Just then, a piece of plaster 
fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. 
"I give a thousand dollars!"
The minister said, "Lord, hit him again!" 

What do you do after you just raped a 12yr old deaf & dumb girl ?

Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum.

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he 
noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her 
boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the 
flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after 
everyone else left the church.
When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice. 
"Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"
"Why reverend." the young thing replied. All of my boyfriends tell me that 
they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts."
"Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head 
between her tits. After several minutes, he raised his head and said. "I 
don't hear any angels singing!"
"Of course not reverend." she said. Your not plugged in yet."