I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the 
habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."

"What is she doing?", the pal asks.

"Waiting for me to get home."

Who makes all the bras for brunettes?
             
Fisher-Price

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, 
they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never 
before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father 
for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the 
success of my marriage."

His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"

"Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly 
feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as 
often as possible,and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, 
to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her 
problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up 
in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the 
morning."

"No, you don't understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I'm 
afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room 
with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight 
out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While 
the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush 
your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed 
your teeth."

"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter 
asked.

"Not a word," her mother affirmed.

"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice 
each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with 
her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until 
about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the 
husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had 
come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches 
the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, 
she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, my," he replies, "you've swallowed my sock!"

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months 
 - I don't like to interrupt her.

A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an
unfortunate incident occurred.
Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet
for the morning's relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up.
When she sat, she kept going!
She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed
into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in
front of her.
She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried
desperately to extricate her.
In this process they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her
naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently
visible between her splayed legs.
Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber,
despite the embarrassing nature of their problem.
When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were
walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was
exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.
Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber and placed the first thing he
could think of, his yarmulke skull cap, over his wife's exposed
privates.
The plumber walked into the bathroom, took one long look, and commented:
"Well, I think I can save your wife, buddy, but the Rabbi's a goner."