There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of
them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to
be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy -
Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says,
"I'm not a Bush fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry
fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan,
so I'm a Kerry fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if
you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."

One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the
doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiot brother Bill arrived
to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything
else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor
standing above him.

"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't
worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you
were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested
that your brother Bill name the kids."

"What! My brother, the idiot! I can't believe you let him! What did he name
them?"

"He named your daughter Denise."

"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"

"He named your son Denephew."

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
"Can you give me a lift?"

I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the
electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed
and they weren't mine."

His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his
friends look at him with utter disbelief.

"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.