A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the
highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that
tube."
"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

"Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital
how it happened.

He said, "I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang...
so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear..."

"But how the heck did you burn the other ear?" The doctor asked.

"How do you think I called you people?"

A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" 

The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

Why do elephants paint thier testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

AND

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?

A Monkey eating cherries.