The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after
three." "Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?" "Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A Jack."

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50
that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No  bet, the steaks are too high."

This is a passenger announcement.

The train on platform one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven and twelve has come in sideways.

The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that 
her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and 
adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. 
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any 
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told 
her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until 
then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. 
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman 
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. 
The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh 
Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a woman!"

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely
packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he
asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man
jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice

"Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied
career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes
into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the
whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts

"No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".

A bit nonplussed by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives
straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor
chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this
impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a 
Jazz chord".

Well and truly brassed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate
his playing ability, Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smartie pants!
You get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike, and
starts to sing.....

"A jazz chord to say I ruv you................."