What is the difference between a hockey game
                           and a High School reunion? 

At a hockey game you see fast pucks. 

Biology Class

   In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose
   levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and
   asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as
   in sugar
   in male semen?"
   "That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical
   info.
   Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste
   sweet?"
   After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor
   girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she
   had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books
   without a word and walked out of class.... and never returned.
   However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was
   classic....
   Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste
   sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your
   tongue and not the back of your throat."

Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?

Because they can. 

                        Best Analogies Ever Written
                                      
                             Originally from a
                                      
                          Washintgon Post Contest
     
   
Winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay"
contest.  (Actually most of them are similes --but... whatever)

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like
a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at
a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)


She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that
used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you
banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)


The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)


McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag
filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)


From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy
Ashley, Washington)


Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)


Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the
center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)


Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung
by mistake (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)


Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.  (Unknown)


He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy
Chase)


The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)


Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a
movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like
"Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)


Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55
mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)


The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the
Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)


They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)


John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
had also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)


The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin
sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a
play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)


His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith,
Woodbridge)


The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
  

There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well- 
endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force 
doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to 
remedy the situation. The first doctor said, "We'll just take a 
big hunk off the end." They discussed it and decided that 
would affect his sensitivity.

The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the 
middle of it." They discussed this, and decided it would change 
the texture and feel of it.

The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of 
it." They discussed this, too, and agreed that it might give him 
erection problems.

The doctors heard a sniffling, and looked over at the nurse who 
had tears running down her cheeks. The nurse cried, "Can't we 
just make his legs longer?"