A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to 
supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem 
reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.

After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the 
present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be 
prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company 
check.

However, due to the name of the company, few people ever bother to present 
these to their banks. The name of the company: 'The Anal Sex and Fetish 
Perversion Company.'

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming
down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the
crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).
While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws
and roar. So it went, step, step, "ROAR," step, step, "ROAR,"
all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was
near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the
pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed
from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he
reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child
sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

This is a true story. My sister and I spent two weeks in Paris. The locals 
obviously hated Americans -- no matter where we went, we were subject to 
rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, etc. After a while 
it started to irritate us. 

One day, in Paris, my sister went shopping. She entered a store and 
started looking around. She was the only customer in the store. As she was 
looking through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her 
and very abruptly asked if he could help her. 

My sister was used to this bad treatment by now and she politely declined 
his help. She continued to look at the clothes. Then she noticed that 
every clerk in the store was staring at her. 

Defiantly, she continued to look through the clothes. When she could take 
this treatment no longer, she turned on her heels, with her head held 
high, and left the shop. 

As she left, she noticed that the sign on the store read...."DryCleaners."