HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get
the best of you."  (Doug, 7)

"It might help to watch soap operas all day."  (Carin, 9)

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base 
in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very 
surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately 
impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted 
the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a 
full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the 
investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was 
lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying 
"you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the 
rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such 
a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna 
showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this 
time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my 
wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

Sent by Vic

The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness
   reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is
   the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's
   "206's".... His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of
   curiosity. I would not breed from this Officer. This Officer is really
   not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be. When she
   opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot
   was previously in there. He has carried out each and every one of his
   duties to his entire satisfaction. He would be out of his depth in a
   car park puddle. Technically sound, but socially impossible. This
   Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around
   at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. This young lady has
   delusions of adequacy. When he joined my ship, this Officer was
   something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. Since my
   last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. She
   sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
   them. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. In my
   opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
   Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in
   a trap This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. Only
   occasionally wets himself under pressure