HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?

We were doing the weekly ritual of trimming everyone's nails that needed
them today, and I saw that Kaitlyn's were pretty stubby because she
chews them quite often.  When I asked her if she had been chewing them,
she said "No, I don't know why they aren't growing.  I haven't been
watering them!"

Ginny DuPont 
ALPHA Mailing List 

In the 80's, a [local] radio station had a couple of DJs
who claimed the stealth fighter had landed at the Mt. Joy
airport in Mt. Joy, Iowa. This is used mainly by the weekend
warriors, and once a year it's used for an air show. The
authorities were notified after an estimated 10,000 people
came to the airport. They asked the people why they were out
there, and they were given the story about the stealth fighter.

The authorities then called the FBI, who talked to the FAA, who
called the FBI back. The two DJs got yanked off the air and
suspended for two weeks -- but not before some people at the
airport, armed with cell phones, called into the station, got
put on the air, and said that they couldn't see the thing. The
DJs replied that it was proof the technology worked.

To top it all off: the DJs said the only way that you could see
the plane was to move your head back and fourth -- like a chicken
when it walks -- and try to catch a glimpse out of the corner of
your eye. They stated that if you looked right at it, you would
never see it. This was believed and a majority of the people were
doing just this when the police arrived! 

For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer,
this one is for you. An award should go to the United Airlines
gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her
point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to
fly as baggage.
A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking
a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger
pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the
counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be
FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help
you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be
able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public
address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she
began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a
passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone
can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir,
but you'll have to stand in line for that, too!"