A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in
   business.
         Shelley Berman

"My computer screen says 'Press any key to continue'. Can I borrow your keys?
 Mine are locked in my Yugo..."
                        -- Some Guy (from Dilbert)

Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding
   you.
   -- Old Farmer's Almanac

Life is a shit sandwich & everyday you take another bite.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn
       from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their
       apparent disinclination to do so. -- Douglas Adams