"I'm tired, my eczema is making life damn uncomfortable, I've just been
 rejected by two women in one day and I can't find my copy of Undertow."
                        -- me (Bad hair day. Or Something.)

After finding no qualified candidates for the position
of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to
announce the  appointment of David Steele to the post.

-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools,
                    Barrington, Rhode Island

"He's in whatever DII has been renamed to this week."
                        -- Andrew Rutherford

"... you haven't seen untidiness until you've seen a room where the gravity
 has failed twice in different directions."
                        -- Michael Marshall Smith, "Only Forward"

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to
find a woman I don't like and just give her a house,"
       
                                - Lewis Grizzard