The Night Before Christmas



Twas the night before Christmas, 
And all through the house, 
Everybody felt shitty, 
Even the mouse.

With mom at the whore house
And Dad smoking grass,
I'd just settled down 
For a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn 
I heard such a clatter,
I sprung from my piece
To see what was the matter.

Then out on the lawn,
I saw a big dick,
And I knew in a moment
That it must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney 
Like a bat out of hell,
And I knew right away
That the fucker had fell.

He filled all our stockings 
With pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick
For my brother, the queer.

He rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart; 
The damn son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart!

He swore and he cursed,
As he rode out of sight,
"Piss on you all,
And have a hell of a night!"

                    A crafty young bard named McMahon
                            
                    Whose poetry never would scan,
                            Once said with a pause,
                            "It's prob'ly because
                            
                    I am always attempting to insert as many extra
                            syllables into the ultimate line as I
                            possibly can."
                            

                    There was a young girl of Penzance
                            
                    Who boarded a bus in a trance.
                            The passengers fucked her,
                            Likewise the conductor.
                            
                    The driver shot off in his pants.
                            
                                              

The Jung Idea

The young things who frequent picture-palaces
Have no use for this psycho-analysis;
And although doctor Freud
Is distinctly annoyed
They cling to their long-standing fallacies.

A pancy who lived in Khartoum,
Took a  lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.