There once was a man from Sutter,
Who used to jerk off in the gutter,
Till the tropical sun,
Played hell on his gun,
And turned all his cream into butter.

I was desperate, I was weary
I prayed for holy guidance from above
I thought she came to lead me through the darkness
But then I felt a probing rubber glove...

                    There was a young fellow from Dallas
                            
                    Who enjoyed doing things with his phallus.
                            So many tricks did he try
                            It became, by and by,
                            
                    Little more than a leather-tough callous.
                            

               There was a young lady of Andover, 
               And the boys used to ask her to hand over 
                    Her sexual favor, 
                    Which she did (may God save her!) 
               For her morals she had no command over. 

There was a young man in Norway, 
               Tried to jerk himself off in a sleigh, 
                    But the air was so frigid 
                    It froze his balls rigid, 
               And all he could come was frappe.