There was a young fellow from Lees 
            Who handled his tool with great ease. 
                This continual friction 
                Made his sex a mere fiction, 
            But the callus hangs down to his knees. 

Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious Lieutenant Major,
Ben proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of the Hayden Octet in B-Major. 

            It's a helluva fix that we're in 
            When the geographical spread of the urge to sin 
                Causes juvenile delinquency 
                With increasing frequency 
            By the Army, the Navy, and Errol Flynn. 

A clever inventor named Krupp 
            Wore a belt when he wanted to tup. 
                His mighty dry cells 
                Made her tits buzz like bells, 
            And lighted the hall-entrance up. 

There once was a man from Sydney
Who stuck it in up to her kidney
But a man from Quebec
Got it up to her neck
He had a big one didn't he!