There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half-an-hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the
drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.  The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was
just joking.  Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see
a man crying."

"No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life.  First, I
overslept and was late to an important meeting.  My boss, outrageous,
fired me.

When I left the building to go my car, I found out it was stolen. The
police, said they could do nothing. I got a cab to go home, and after I paid
the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab.
I got home only to find my wife with the gardener. I left home
and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to
my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."

With a puzzled look on his face an Indian boy asked,
"Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" 
She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." 
Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" 
She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when
we made her." 
"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" 
"We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived.",
She explained. The Mother Indian paused for a moment then
asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?" 

   A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up
   your things. I just won the California lottery!"
   
   Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
   
   The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the
   house by noon!"
   

Sobel goes into the optometrist's office.
He opens the door and says to the receptionist, "I think I need my eyes
checked."
She says, "You're not kidding. This is the Ladies Room."

Who's got long blonde hair and big tits,
and lives in Melbourne, Australia?

                         Salman Rushdie.