"Dad, can i ask you something?" 
    "Sure! What about?" 
    "You see, I'm already fourteen and...I think 
    it's just proper that i should own one." 
    "And what is this 'one' you're referring to?" 
    "Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?" 
    "No." 
    "My nipples are already prominent and it 
    catches attention." 
    "Nope." 
    "It will be just proper at my age..." 
    "I said no way...!" 
    "But all of my friends wears.......!" 
    "David! How many times shall i tell you that 
    bras are for girls!?"

Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over 
by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window 
with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the 
trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.

The driver says, "Why'd you do that?

The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, 
you'll have your license ready."

Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. 

He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the 
passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls 
his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the 
nightstick.

The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"

The cop says,"Just making your wishes come true."

The passenger says, "Huh?"

The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're 
gonna say, 'I wish that sucker would've tried that shit with me!'"

What's a man's idea of foreplay? 

     -A half-hour of begging. 

A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He
puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his
mother and says "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard

on the face and says "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into the
living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a white boy." His Daddy slaps him
on the face, too and says, "Boy, go show your grandmother." So the boy
goes to see his grandma and says "Look Granny, I'm a white boy." She
slaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says
"Well, did you learn something from all this?" The boy shakes his head
and says "I sure nuff did, I've only been a white boy for five minutes
and I already hate you black people".

Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English.  One 
office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news 
that she was being fired.  He started the conversation with: 
"Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along 
without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try.