So the doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live.
But the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor gives
him another six months. 

Why is it estimated that only 99 percent of all people masterbate?

The other 1% were either taking the poll or answering the door!

One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up
behind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, "I'm
going to kiss you if you can't tell me who I am in three guesses."
She quickly answered, "George Washington!  Thomas Jefferson!
Abraham Lincoln!"

Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
They taste funny.

Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?

     So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.