Tombstone Epitaph in Memory of an accident in a 
Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

Little Johnny is in class. The teacher is going through the alphabet,
having each child think up a word that starts with a letter. They get
to "W", and the teacher figures Little Johnny can't think up anything
dirty with a "W" so she calls on him.
"Womb!", Little Johnny says.
"That's a good word, Johnny", teacher says. "Is that as in where babies
come from?" she asks.
"No", says Johnny, "That's the sound elephants make when they're
screwing... you know, "Womb! Womb! Womb!" 

The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were
shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man's
oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous
blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace,
the friend asked "How in the hell did YOU land a wife
like that?"
The old man whispered back, "Easy. I told her I was 90!"

The Yuppette had risen to executive level in the company in no 
time at all. Hearing rumors about her, the husband confronted 
his wife and accused her of sleeping with all of the top level 
managers.

"Now that's entirely false." she cried. "I took the easy route and 
slept with anyone who mattered at least twice."

A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for 
some pepper
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper!"