A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the
crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.  He finally gets
himself to the doctor.  He says, "How bad is it doc?  I'm going on my
honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it
heal and keep it straight.  It should be okay next week."  So he took
four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and
wired it all together.  It was an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on
their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to
reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.  This was the first time he ever
saw them.  She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these
breasts." He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "Look at
this, it's still in the CRATE !"

   Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and
   sneered, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
   
   The wife simply sighed and replied, "Yes, dear, I know, but I was in
   love and didn't really notice."

   When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
   him keep her.

Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and 
besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied 
something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful 
Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she 
fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check 
stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes 
enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing 
in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly 
go wrong?

At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the 
car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet 
and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody 
clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with 
her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait 
saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be 
the matter?

Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."

"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the 
engine was purring like a cat again.

"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"

"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do 
I have to do that?"

"Three Men And A Baby"........What you get when four men go fishing and 
one comes back after having caught nothing.