Pope Dies
   The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the
   reception committee, and
   after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad
   recreations available.
   He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of
   the Holy Scriptures, and
   spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a
   linguistic master, he
   sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the
   Bible, working back
   from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.
   All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come
   running to him, only to
   find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering,
   "An 'R'! They left out
   the 'R'."
   God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem
   is. After collecting
   his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R' ... the word was
   supposed to be
   CELEBRATE!"
   

What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?

Perfect setup for skeet shooting.

A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking
a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She
had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair
of panties. The girl was so happy and told her mommy about it. The next
day when the priest was again taking his daily walk, he looked up the
same tree and saw the young girl's mother up there. She had no panties
on. He called her down and gave her two dollars to buy a razor.

Two guys get stuck on a desert island.They are soon caught by the natives
and brought to a village and put before the cheif.He says to the first
guy,"As punishment for tresspassing I give you a choice, death or Ru Ru".Not
wanting to die he picks Ru Ru.He is then beaten
and buggered to unconciousness right in front of his friend.The 2nd guywhen
asks says "I'd rather die than suffer that ". The chief says "Great,death it
is,death by Ru Ru"!!!

Q. Why does Mary Lou Retton smile so much?

A. Because she found out what the big boys eat.