A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm 
constipated."
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean 
over the table."
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks 
him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the 
bathroom.
He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. 
What should I do?"
The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken 
apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" 
replied by his mother The young boy answered " The other day, Daddy was
talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off 
his secretary."

What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?

Hugh Grant.

Q. What did Adam say to Eve ?
A. You'd better stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets.

Stress-Relieving Prayer



Lord,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

And, help me to be careful
Of the toes I step on today as they
May be connected to the ass
That I might have to kiss tomorrow.

                 Amen.