CUSTOMER SURVEY

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website, 
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company,
of course, does not have a sense of humour and made the web department
take it down immediately.



Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.

In order to protect your new investment; please take a few moments to
fill out the warranty registration card below.  Answering the survey 
questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
new products that best meet your needs and desires.

 1.    [_] Mr.
       [_] Mrs.
       [_] Ms.
       [_] Miss
       [_] Lt.
       [_] Gen.
       [_] Comrade
       [_] Classified
       [_] Other

 First Name: .....................................................
 Initial: ........
 Last Name......................................................
 Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
 Code Name:......................................................
 Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........

 2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
 [_] F-14 Tomcat
 [_] F-15 Eagle
 [_] F-16 Falcon
 [_] F-117A Stealth
 [_] Classified

 3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....... /....... /......

 4. Serial Number: ...............................................

 5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
 [_] Received as gift / aid package
 [_] Catalogue / showroom
 [_] Independent arms broker
 [_] Mail order
 [_] Discount store
 [_] Government surplus
 [_] Classified

 6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas 
product you  have just purchased:
 [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
 [_] Store display
 [_] Espionage
 [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
 [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
 [_] Was attacked by one

 7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision
 to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
 [_] Style / appearance
 [_] Speed / manoeuvrability
 [_] Price / value
 [_] Comfort / convenience
 [_] Kickback / bribe
 [_] Recommended by salesperson
 [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
 [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
 [_] Backroom politics
 [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

 8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
 [_] North America
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Aircraft carrier
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Europe
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
 [_] Panama
 [_] Africa
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Asia / Far East
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Misc. Third World countries
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Classified
 [_] Iraq

 9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to 
purchase  in the near future:
 [_] Colour TV
 [_] VCR
 [_] ICBM
 [_] Killer Satellite
 [_] CD Player
 [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
 [_] Space Shuttle
 [_] Home Computer
 [_] Nuclear Weapon

 10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation?  (Indicate
all that apply:)
 [_] Communist / Socialist
 [_] Terrorist
 [_] Crazed
 [_] Nice Person
 [_] Democratic
 [_] Dictatorship
 [_] Corrupt
 [_] Primitive / Tribal

 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
 [_] Deficit spending
 [_] Cash
 [_] Suitcases of cocaine
 [_] Oil revenues
 [_] Personal check
 [_] Credit card
 [_] Ransom money
 [_] Traveller's check

 12. Your occupation:
 [_] Homemaker
 [_] Sales / marketing
 [_] Revolutionary
 [_] Clerical
 [_] Mercenary
 [_] Tyrant
 [_] Middle management
 [_] Eccentric billionaire
 [_] Defence Minister / General
 [_] Retired
 [_] Work At Post Office

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups and
mysterious consortia.  As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will 
be  registered to win a brand new F-117A in our War Not Peace Sweepstakes!

A guy is screwing a great looking blonde. 
The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS have you?" 
He replies, "No." 
She responds, "Oh, thank heavens for that!!
I don't want to get that again...!"

Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in
back.  Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night
and had the best meal ever.  Good prices too."

Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too.  What was the name of the
restaurant?"

Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little.  What's
the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"
Sam says, "How about rose?"

"Yes, yes,  that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. 
"Rose.  Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last
night?"

Why are there so many Jones's in the phone book? 

                       Because they all have phones. 

A little girl was walking along a beach in California when
she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper
covering his genitals.
The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"
The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away!"
The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.
Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain.
"Where the hell am I?"
A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency
help, so we rushed you right over."
"Well, what the hell happened to me?"
"We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happening
to you today?"
The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me just
before I fell asleep." 
The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was
still there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happened
to that nice man you saw here earlier?"
"Well," the little girl said, "I started to play with that nice little
bird that he had and the damn thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck,
broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"