A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond. "It happens 
to be the third most famous diamond in the whole world," she boasted. "The 
first is the Hope Diamond, then comes the Kohinoor, and then comes this 
one, which is called Lipshitz."
"What a diamond!"
"How lucky you are!"
"Wait, wait, nothing in life is all mazel ", said the diamonded lady, 
"Unfortunately, with this famous Lipshitz diamond you must take the famous 
Lipshitz curse!"
The ladies buzzed and asked, "And what's the Lipshitz curse?"
"Lipshitz," sighed the lady.

An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in 
love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never 
achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they 
decide to ask the rabbi. 
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the 
following suggestion.
"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have 
the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and 
should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man 
and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and 
she is still unsatisfied.  Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.
"Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make 
love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed 
with the wife and the husband waves the towel.  The young man gets to work 
with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking 
screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,  
"You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

Doctor: We operated on your eyes and we've managed to save one of them.

Patient: Oh, thank you very much.

Doctor: Yes, we'll give it to you on your way out.

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.
Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security

A couple just moved into hotel. And the hotel clerk asks the 
man after helping him with his luggage.

- Anything else? 

- NO, thanks, 

- Maybe, your wife needs something ? 

- Oh, yeah. Thank you for your reminder. Do you sell greeting 
cards ?