UNIVERSAL GRADE CHANGE FORM

                              ____________________University


      To: Professor____________________ From:___________________________


      I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be

      changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons:


      ______1.    The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.

      ______2.    The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.

      ______3.    This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into: 

                  ______Medical School          ______Graduate School

                  ______Dental School           ______My Fraternity/Sorority

                  ______The Mickey Mouse Club   ______Tri County Tech

      ______4.    I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in

                  _______________.

      ______5.    I'll lose my scholarship.

      ______6.    I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam.

      ______7.    I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used

                  did not cover the materisal asked for on the exam.

      ______8.    I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every

                  little fact.

      ______9.    I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams

                  asked about general principles.

      _____10.    You are prejudiced against:

                  ______Males         ______Jews          ______Blacks

                  ______Females       ______Catholics     ______Whites

                  ______Protestants   ______Moslems       ______Minorities

                  ______Chicanos      ______People        ______Students

      _____11.    If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or

                  at least cut my allowance.

      _____12.    I was unable to do well in this course because of the

                  following illness:

                  ______mono                  ______broken baby finger

                  ______acute alcoholism      ______pregnancy

                  ______VD                    ______fatherhood

      _____13.    You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly

                  how you wanted that done.

      _____14.    I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.

      _____15.    I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade.

      _____16.    The lectures were:

                  ______too detailed to pick out important points

                  ______not explained in sufficient detail

                  ______too boring

                  ______all jokes and not enough material

                  ______all of the above

      _____17.    This course was:

                  ______too early, I was not awake.

                  ______at lunchtime, I was hungry

                  ______too late, I was tired

      _____18.    My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my

                  (book, notes, paper) for this course.

      _____19.    Other___________________________________________________

His And Hers ATMs

HIS: 
1. Pull up to ATM 
2. Insert card 
3. Enter PIN number and account 
4. Take cash, card and receipt 

HER: 
1. Pull up to ATM 
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 
3. Shut off engine 
4. Put keys in purse 
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine 
6. Hunt for card in purse 
7. Insert card 
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written 
on it.
9. Enter PIN number 
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes. 
11. Hit "cancel" 
12. Re-enter correct PIN number 
13. Check balance 
14. Look for envelope 
15. Look in purse for pen 
16. Make out deposit slip 
17. Endorse checks 
18. Make deposit 
19. Study instructions 
20. Make cash withdrawal 
21. Get in car 
22. Check makeup 
23. Look for keys 
24. Start car 
25. Check makeup 
26. Start pulling away 
27. STOP 
28. Back up to machine 
29. Get out of car 
30. Take card and receipt 
31. Get back in car 
32. Put card in wallet 
33. Put receipt in checkbook 
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 
36. Check makeup 
37. Put car in reverse gear
38. Put car in drive 
39. Drive away from machine 
40. Travel 3 miles 
41. Release parking brake

A Psychiatrist is just a Jewish doctor who can't stand the sight of blood.

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. 
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are
complaining that they can never reach me." 
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" 
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did
the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." 
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" 
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." 
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" 
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving
around, my zip code keeps changing."

I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my 
secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an 
agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.

She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is four 
hundred a week."

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. 

She shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 
a week."