This guy goes into a restaurant. He's a little more than strung out from
lack of sleep. The waiter asked for his order. Trying to be funny he asked
the waiter for a hit of his best heroin. Struggling to keep a straight
face.
The waiter says,"I'm sorry sir, we're all out".
"In that case bring me an espresso and a syringe", our friend says.
Being a restaurant that prided itself on good service the waiter brought
him an espresso, with a straw of course.

In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep
   with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"

Two starving homeless men are walking down an empty street in a quiet town.
they spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. the first
man begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that he
will wait. after the first man has eaten his fill they continue on down the
road. eventually the first man gets sick from the horse meat and throws it
up. the second man pulls out a napkin from his pocket and exclaims as he
sits down: "now THIS is what i've been waiting for! a hot meal!"

Did you hear about the welfare doll?

You wind it up and it doesn't work.

Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched 
backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One 
thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows 
when to stop."