A florist received an outraged telephone call from a man who
   had moved his restaurant to a new spot in town. The restaurant 
   owner had been sent a funeral wreath along with a card that read:
   SINCEREST SYMPATHIES.
   The florist realized that he must have mixed up two orders and
   shuddered to think of the flowers that should have gone to the 
   restaurant man.He had sent to the funeral a clover design of 
   red roses across which was a bright green ribbon bearing the 
   inscription: BEST OF LUCK IN YOUR NEW LOCATION.

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem 
doctor" Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this 
earsplitting yell." "MY dear," the shrink said, "that's completely 
natural. I don't see what problem is?" "The problem is," she complained, 
"It wakes me up."

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting
under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing
away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the
man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of
the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp. 

This blind guy was walking pass the fish market and he said
"Good morning ladies.."

                                 Bonkistry
     
   
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years
by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known
as "Bonkistry."  He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past
him to come up with something like this.  Anyway, one year there were
these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all
of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the
final they had a solid A.

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the
weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday),
they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there.
So they did this and had a great time.  However, with their hangovers
and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to
Duke until early monday morning.  Rather than taking the final then,
what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to
him why they missed the final.  They told him that they went up to UVa
for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that
they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and
couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to
campus.  Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up
the final on the following day.  The two guys were elated and relieved.

So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that
Bonk had told them.  He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of
them a test booklet and told them to begin.  They looked at the first
problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was
worth 5 points.  "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy."  They
did that problem and then turned the page.  They were unprepared,
however, for what they saw on the next page.  It said:

        (95 points) Which tire?