Did you hear about the tramp who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady,
 - I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself" she replied. 

And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say 
that I am?"

And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, 
thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation 
of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, 
divine, sacerdotal monarch."

And Jesus said, "What?"

At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here 
has ever seen a ghost?" Most of the hands go up. "And how many of you have 
had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half the hands stay up.
"OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?" Three 
hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd. "Gosh, that's pretty 
good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?" One hand 
stays up. The speaker blinks. "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've 
actually had sexual contact with a ghost?" The guy with his hand up 
suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said "goat'." 

A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom 
factory.  After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. 
The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard 
working, knew her tasks etc.  He called her into his office, "But 
why?" he asked.

"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all,"  she said sullenly.

"Look, I'll give you a raise."

"No," she said

"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."

"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her
underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had 
this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."

Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and 
showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have 
it too...." 

"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not 
only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as 
well."

The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a 
beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn't 
sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, "Compared to what?" She held 
up one finger and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm bigger than that." 
Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm 
bigger than that." Then she held up three fingers and asked if I was that 
big. I said, "I'm about that big." She put the three fingers in her mouth 
and said, "You're a medium."