NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue blocked Patriots
coach Bill Parcells form switching to the New York Jets
without the permission of the Patriots. "The Jets
can't win," says Jay Leno. "Even their coaches get
intercepted." 

Four elderly ladies were driving in a car. One of the 
ladies in the car, Rosa, had a heavy hispanic accent.  "As we 
drove thru the industrial area, Rosa said, 'Hey, that's where 
they make the Huge Measles!'  We all looked at each other, 
confused, for a moment before we realized we were going past 
the 'Hughes Missle' plant."

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del,6)

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might
get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
(Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's
something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for
me."  (Bart, 9)