This one lady was telling the judge how her husband was 
abusive to her on several occasions and how fearful she was for 
her life.  She was seeking a restraining order.  The judge 
granted the order.  The bailiff asked if she needed an escort to 
her car, since her husband was in the courtroom with her. She 
said, 'No, he's my ride home.'

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys."
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight...promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy.
At around 3 A.M., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as
I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and
cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another
9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick witty
solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told
her 12 o'clock.  She didn't seem disturbed at all.  Whew!  Got
away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock.  When I asked
her why she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times,
then said 'oh shit,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
farted.


Sent by Inna

Before we were married Wife used to always say, "You're only 
interested in one thing." Trouble is now though, after 36 years, 
I've forgotten what the hell it was.