There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients 
always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., 
regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some 
even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one 
could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on 
Sundays. So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the 
cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 
a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for 
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding 
wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil 
spirits. Just when the clock struck 11..! . Pookie Johnson, The part-time 
Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so 
that he could! ! ! ! use the vacuum cleaner.

Joseph Schwartz, a career criminal, was wanted for looting in
Israel's port city, Haifa.  On the A.P.B. Wanted poster, he was
described as the  son of an ex-nun from Spain and a German father. 
It went on to  include  the facts that he was a musician adept at
the piccolo and often  worked as  a farmhand.
 
In other words... he was a Haifa lootin', flutin' Teuton, son of a
nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe...

A woman is suing the pharmacy that sold her a
popular contraceptive jelly - because she ate the stuff on toast
and got pregnant anyway.

And, incredibly, many legal experts are saying she's got an
excellent chance of collecting!

"The woman is a complete idiot," said one attorney who asked that we
not use his name. "How bright can you be if you think eating a
vaginal gel will prevent conception?

"But certain aspects of the case involve truth in labeling and false
advertising issues. She may not collect but she'll make a lot of
noise and trouble. People are down on lawyers anyway. They think we
waste time and money on frivolous lawsuits. This isn't going to help
our public relations any."

A spokesman for the unnamed mom-and-pop drugstore says he's shocked
and angry that such a case could ever be taken seriously. "All she
has to do is open the box and read the directions," says the
spokesman. "Next thing you know someone will come after us because
they couldn't stick things together with their toothpaste.

"I can just imagine some moron saying: 'It's paste, isn't it? Why
can't I glue these papers onto my bulletin board?' "

But attorneys for Mrs. Chyton say she was swindled and lied to by
implication and they intend to make the pharmacy pay $500,000 for
the hardship the woman will have to endure.

"It says right on it 'jelly,'" says Mrs. Chyton, a former model who
was once a cheerleader for a popular professional basketball team.

"And they kept it on the shelf just two aisles from the food
section. I know, now, that the directions say it should be used
vaginally with a condom.

"But who has time to sit around reading directions these days -
especially when you're sexually aroused?

"The company should call it something else and the pharmacy
shouldn't sell it without telling each and every customer who buys it
that eating it won't prevent you from getting pregnant."

As bizarre as it sounds, the pharmacy could wind up losing the
lawsuit. "It's hard for businesses to avoid troublesome lawsuits,"
said another attorney.

"With the courts bending over backwards to please consumer groups,
the temper of the times is perfect for these crackpots to bring legal
action against businesses - even a moronic legal action like this."