My wife is a primary school teacher, and related this tale after
another class returned from a trip to a working farm: 

My wife asked little David if he had enjoyed the trip. 
"Yes it was great - we saw sheep, horses, goats, and f***ers." 
Wife: "er, fine, fine. I know what the sheep and the rest are,
but what is a f***er?" 
David: "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk" 
Wife: "but who said they were called, er, f***ers?" 
David: "that was our teacher. Well actually she called them
"effers," but we all knew what she meant." 

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied,
"I knew I should have replaced the battery to this
remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do
you think they (pointing to a distant convenient
store)would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I
dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just
this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the
car keys to me. As I took the key and manually
unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive
over there and check about the batteries it's a long
walk.

MOST HORRIBLE DRINK

The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is
Khoona. It is drunk by Afghan tribesmen on their wedding night and 
consists of a small amount of still-warm 'very recently attained' bull 
semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.