When we lived in Topanga we knew a family consisting of a single father 
and a houseful of young boys. One morning the youngest boy came into he 
kitchen in time to see their cat piddle in the toaster. (Why the cat did 
so, nobody could ever figure out. Never had any other similar problems 
with the beast.)
He went to tell his father and while he was out of the room one of his
brothers came in and tried to make some toast.
Now, at its best, cat piddle is not readily confused with Chanel No. 5, 
and when burned it is far, far worse. They had to leave the windows open 
for days, and the neighbors had comments.
Now, whenever I think I'm having a bad day, I remind myself that today, at
least, the cat didn't pee in the toaster.

Allen H.
Relieved Los Gatos Sciolist

[Associated Press,Kincaid, W. VA] A man at a
   party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit
   down, triggering an explosion that blew off his
   lips, teeth and tongue, state police said
   Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the
   blasting cap as a prank during a party late
   Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man
   had it in an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and
   was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It
   wouldn't go off and this guy said, "I'll show you
   how to set it off." "He put it in his mouth and
   bit down. It blew all his teeth off, his tongue
   and his lips," Payne said. Stromyer was listed in
   guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial
   injuries, according to a spokesman at Charleston
   Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
   anyone doing something like that," Payne said.

Long ago in Israel the wisest man, a great philopher and thinker, was 
holding audience. Everyone was there - the hall was packed out - 
politicians at the front, professionals, doctors, lawyers next, then 
businessmen, etc., with lesser beings further and further away. 

He intones his most famous and deepest saying: "Life is like a fish". 
Everyone murmers in obedient and respectful agreement "How wise", "What a 
thinker", "How true", "What a man". 

At the very back of hall, a callow, spotty youth - a freshman probably, 
sticks his hand up and asks "Why?". Absolute horror around the hall... 
They stare round enraged at him "How can he question the great man?", "Has 
he no sense at all?". They stare back anxiously at the great man - what 
will he do? He doesn't react, just sits there, pondering. The atmosphere 
is electric. After ten minutes of deep thought, the great man looks up, 
the audience expectant with bated breathe. He speaks. "Alright, so it's 
not like a fish".