A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's 
final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not 
showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate 
family member's death. 

One smart ass student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", 
and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had 
subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse,
you can just use your other hand to write."

My husband was telling me a joke while my 7 year old son 
listened.  In the joke is a line about a barber being told *not* to
put hair tonic on the customer because the customer's wife 
would think he'd been to a whorehouse.  Another customer 
tells a second barber to go ahead and splash it on -- his wife
doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.  
My son turns to me and says, "Do *you* know what it smells
like, Mommy?"

Went to lunch with a friend today to a new chicken place.
We asked how they prepare their chickens.
The answer was, "We just tell them they're going to die."