When the legislature decides the rules of buying and selling,
the first thing to be bought will be the legislators. 

     - P. J. O'Rourke 

People say:
        "The early bird catches the worm"
        
I say that
        "The early worm was caught by the bird"

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the
temptation of denying himself a pleasure. 

     --Ambrose Bierce 

I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage --
no matter how ugly and disgusting it gets. 

     - Major Frank Burns, M*A*S*H 

"I'm tired, my eczema is making life damn uncomfortable, I've just been
 rejected by two women in one day and I can't find my copy of Undertow."
                        -- me (Bad hair day. Or Something.)