It was under the old apple tree 
               That she first showed it to me. 
                    It was ever so hot, 
                    It was shaped like a slot, 
               But it looked like a subway to me. 

               With a twinlke so full in her eye, 
               She craftily mangled my fly. 
                    Out popped a tool 
                    That was long as a rule 
               And she sank to her knees with a sigh. 

               She proceeded to lube up my tool 
               With lots of her natural drool. 
                    My knees gave a shake, 
                    My breath hard to make, 
               And my tool throbbed away like a fool. 

               With a magnificent shake of her head, 
               She threw me down onto the bed. 
                    The apples so round, 
                    The leaves on the ground 
               Made my tool like a sail on the Med. 

               The subway engulfed all my tool. 
               She rocked like she's riding a mule. 
                    My tool gave a jerk, 
                    Let out a hot squrt, 
               And flooded her subway with jooul. 

               As the sun sank slow in the west, 
               She rose up and off of my chest. 
                    The tool flopped out bent 
                    It was terribly spent-- 
               She absorbed all the best of the rest! 

A lovely young virgin named Lynn 
Once said about fucking, "It's sin." 
But a fellow named Tang, 
With a twenty-inch wang, 
Made her cry to the heavens, "It's in!"

There was a young fellow from Sparta,
A really magnificent farter,
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart God Save The Queen,
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. 

There was a young man named McNamiter 
               With a tool of prodigious diameter. 
                    But it wasn't the size 
                    Gave the girls a surprise, 
               But his rhythm---iambic pentameter. 

A contortionist hailing from Lynch 
            Used to rent out his tool by the inch. 
                A foot cost a quid--- 
                He could and he did 
            Stretch it to three in a pinch.