Three people were standing on the Titanic, An American, a
   Brit and an belgian. It was almost sinking. The captain told everyone
   to go into the liveboats. The Brit yelled "Women and children first".
   The American said "Screw the women and children" and the Belgian
   answered "Huh, do we have enough time left to do that?"

What's Britney Spears' next career goal?

                         To learn how to sing.

Do you know what a Yankee is?

Same as a quickie, except you're by yourself 

   A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a
   giraffe walked in.
   "Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try
   your luck?" replied
   the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to
   her. Within five
   minutes they're out the door and into the night. The next day, the
   lion was drinking in the
   bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out,
   and can hardly hold
   himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink
   down his throat and
   said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the
   giraffe, what happened
   after that? Was she all right?"
   The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to
   dinner, had a couple
   of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the
   night. And oh, man!
   I've never had a night like it!" "But how come you look like you're so
   exhausted?" asked
   the lion. "Well" said the mouse, "between the kissing and the
   screwing, I must have run a
   thousand miles!"
   

                             Iraqi vs. American
     
   
  Average Iraqi

    Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of
    the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors

  Average American

    Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme
    park

  Average Iraqi

    Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation

  Average American

    Willing to participate in People's Choice Awards

  Average Iraqi

    Lines up by the thousands to die for country

  Average American

    Will go to any extreme to avoid jury duty

  Average Iraqi

    Has endured many food shortages during wars with Iran and embargo
    by West

  Average American

    Shoves McDonalds cashier if their Happy Meal doesn't include
    McCookies

  Average Iraqi

    Believes if he dies in battle, he will go straight to Paradise

  Average American

    Believes if, in a dream, you don't wake up before hitting the
    ground, you die

  Average Iraqi

    Has friend or relative wounded in ruthless wars of conquest

  Average American

    Has beer guzzling uncle who shot self in foot on hunting trip

  Average Iraqi

    Thinks Saddam Hussein is a political genius

  Average American

    Thinks Saddam Hussein makes Dan Quayle seem like Einstein