Why are E.T.s eyes so big?

                    Because he saw the phone bill.

St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, "You were 
a good woman. I'm giving you a nice halo."
Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the 
Princess has a much bigger halo.
Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, I spent most 
of my adult life helping the poor and the sickly. Princess Di did no where 
near the amount of charitable work I did. Why does she have a bigger 
halo?"
St. Peter says, "That's not a halo. That's a steering wheel."

The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite.
"Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk.
"Only one, " replied the groom, "she won't take it up the ass."

Do you know why it's called sex?

Because it's easier to spell than 
Uhhhhh..oooohh...Ahhhhhh....AIIEEEEEEE!!! 

Lesbians can also take Viagra. 
They don't have to swalow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.