A Polish family is sitting in the living room.

The wife turns to the husband and says, "Let's send the kids 
out back to p-l-a-y , so we can fuck."

A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre 
spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across 
another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor 
and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to 
warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city 
slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he 
responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can 
handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and 
asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear  at the party" The 
man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"

Sent by Chris

Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have
change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base's
corridor floors, and asked him,
"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Private Duncan replied, "Sure."
The Corporal turned red. He said, "That's no way to address a
superior officer! Now let's try it again. Private, do you have
change for a dollar?"
Private Duncan replied, "No, SIR!"

Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for 
HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at 
their age, the old man said,"Well, we heard on TV that people should be 
tested after annual sex!"

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his
neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's
his turn to be waited on.

A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase
and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked
the dog what it wanted today.

The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef,
and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the
butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said,
"Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher
said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up
a package of four pork chops.

The dog walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get
at the purse and take out the appropriate amount of money before
tying the two packages of meat around the dog's neck.

The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the
dog. The dog walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house
where it began to scratch the door to be let in.

As the owner opened the door, the man called to the owner, "That's a
really smart dog you have there."

"He's not really all that smart," the owner replied.

"This is the second time this week he forgot his key."