Temperatures and What They Mean



     40     Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.

     35     Italian cars don't start.

     32     Water freezes.
 
     30     You can see your breath.  Politicians begin to worry about the
            Homeless.

     25     Boston water freezes.
            Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you.

     20     Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream.
            You can hear your breath.

     15     N.Y. City water freezes.
            Politicians begin to talk aobut the homeless.

     12     You plan a vacation to Mexico.

     10     Too cold to snow

      5     You need jumper cables to get the car going.
            Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

      3     You plan a vacation in Houston.

      0     Too cold to skate.
            American cars don't start.

     -5     You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.

    -10     Too cold to think.
            Politicians actually do something about the homeless.

    -15     Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you.
            You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

    -20     You plan a 2-week hot bath.

    -25     The mighty Monongahela freezes.
            Japanese cars don't start.

    -30     Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button...

    Below -30     The kids call home from college.
                  
                  End of the world...

Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off. He loved to jerk off. However, 
one day, his dad walked in on him while he was jerkin off! Billy was so 
embarrassed. He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad 
already seen him.
"Billy," said his dad, "doing that will make you go blind"
"Dad," he replied, "I'm over here!"

What's the white stuff you find in the bottom of girls' undies? 
Clitty litter.

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary 
school working nights as a taxidermist. 

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better 
serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his 
practice and, therefore, his income. 

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, 
Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!" 

I said to the doctor "I have this ringing in my ears."

He said, "Don't answer it!"