A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the 
desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, 
the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move 
until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go 
along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat 
off the camel every day for the first three days. On the fourth day, the 
camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares 
to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And 
again. Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says 
"For Christ's sake, what do you want now?" The camel puckers up and makes 
little sucking noises.

Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town.  "How're
thangs with y'all, Pete?" one asked.
"Not bad atall," Pete replied.  "My old woman ain't talkin' 
to me thiseyer week...and I ain't in no mood to interrupt her."

   Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that
   an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no
   other animal in the world does this.
   
   Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
   
   "Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
   
   "Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah.
   The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went
   "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK
   OFF!", the dog ate him!"
   

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight
with Sidney.  He called me a sissy."
"What did you do?" the mother asked.
"I hit him with my purse!"

Q: How is Christmas celebrated in a Jewish home?
A: They put parking meters on the roof!