On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, 
pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male 
students, and the male dormitory to the female students. 
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second 
time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost 
you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
                                                    
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"

What do chain saws and monkeys have in common?

They both fuck up trees!

Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and 
slapped each others back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed 
their old friendship.
"Let's have a drink like we did in the old days," the first Scot
winked at his mate.
"Aye," his mate replied. "And don't forget it's your shout."

The little boy comes home from school and asks mom, "Where do babies come 
from?" Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time 
she replies, "From the stork of course!" The little guy thinks for a few
seconds and then asks, "But mom, who fucks the stork?" 

Why does an elephant have four feet?

Because it would look silly with six inches.