I started a new job the other day, and while riding the elevator,
noticed a sign which read (THIS IS NOT MADE-UP):

        "If elevator should malfunction or doors not open, 
        don't be alarmed.  Please press the alarm button."

Is it just me, or does anybody else find this outrageously funny?

[Associated Press,Kincaid, W. VA] A man at a
   party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit
   down, triggering an explosion that blew off his
   lips, teeth and tongue, state police said
   Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the
   blasting cap as a prank during a party late
   Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man
   had it in an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and
   was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It
   wouldn't go off and this guy said, "I'll show you
   how to set it off." "He put it in his mouth and
   bit down. It blew all his teeth off, his tongue
   and his lips," Payne said. Stromyer was listed in
   guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial
   injuries, according to a spokesman at Charleston
   Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
   anyone doing something like that," Payne said.

Tuesday's Wall Street Journal has an article about the Dutch takeover
of JFK airport's International Arrivals building. The Dutch have some
interesting ideas on how to clean it up: 
In Amsterdam, the tile under Schiphol's urinals would pass inspection
in an operating room. But nobody notices. What everybody does notice
is that each urinal has a fly in it. Look harder, and the fly turns
into the black outline of a fly, etched into the porcelain. 
"It improves the aim," says Aad Kieboom. "If a man sees a fly, he aims
at it." Mr. Kieboom, an economist, directs Schiphol's own building
expansion. His staff conducted fly-in-urinal trials and found that
etchings reduce spillage by 80%. 
"We will put flies in the urinals -- yes," Jan Jansen says in a back
office at the Arrivals Building. He is the new Dutch general manager,
the boss as of noon today. "It gives a guy something to think about.
That's the perfect example of process control." 
His New York public relations attendant titters. "Fine, laugh at me,"
Mr. Jansen says. "It works."