SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del,6)

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might
get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
(Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's
something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for
me."  (Bart, 9)

IDIOTS IN SERVICE

This week, all our phones went dead and I had to call the phone
repair people.  They promised to be out between 8 a.m. and 7 p.m.
When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window,he asked
and I quote, "Would you like us to call before we come?"
He also requested that we report future outages by email.  Does
YOUR email work without a telephone line??????

Microsoft Corp announced that they would purchase the
source the PenPoint operating system for the value of
one of Bill Gates eye-lashes (est. value $1.3 million).
Gates was quoted as saying "we are only doing what the
consumer has asked us to do: ship huge, bloated,
bug-ridden programs while using every trick in the book
to kill our competitors. As an example of our progress,
consider Windows CE which paints the screen slower on a
75 MHz MIPS RISC processor than the 16 MHz 68000 in the
Palm Pilot, while sucking the batteries dry in a tenth
the time."