he First Message From an Alien 
Civilization... 

Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of hydrogen to the star system 
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your 
star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other 
star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will 
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy 
reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great
   state of Washington, decided to attend a local
   Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at George,
   Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among
   them) they sat in the parking lot, and after
   finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy
   enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and
   sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their
   pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was
   for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over,
   and then assist his friend over the fence.
   Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop
   on the other side of the fence. Having heaved
   himself over, he found himself crashing through a
   tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large
   branch which snagged him by his shorts. Dangling
   from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked
   down and saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring
   the bushes would break his fall, John removed his
   pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
   to free himself from the tree. When finally free,
   John crashed below into Holly bushes. The sharp
   leaves scratched his entire body and now being
   without his shorts, he was the unwilling victim
   of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity.
   To make matters worse, his pocket knife proceeded
   to fall with him and landed three inches into his
   left thigh. Seeing his friend in considerable pain
   and agony, Sal decided to throw him a rope and pull
   him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds
   less, he decided the best course of action would
   be to tie the rope to the pickup truck. This is
   when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken
   state, Sal put the truck into the wrong
   gear,pressed on the gas, and crashed through the
   fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was
   thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal
   injuries and also died at the scene. Police
   arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver
   thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and upon moving
   the truck, a half naked man, with numerous
   scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in
   his thigh, and a pair of shorts dangling from the
   tree branches 25 feet in the air.

Now let's see here if I understand all this correctly.  

President Clinton has ordered our forces to engage an entrenched,
politically motivated enemy, backed by the Russians, on their home
ground, in a foreign civil war, in difficult terrain, with limited
military objectives, bombing restrictions, boundary and operational
restrictions, queasy allies, far across the ocean, with uncertain
goals, without prior consultation with congress, the potential for
escalation, while limiting the forces at his disposal, and the
majority of Americans opposed to or at least uncertain about the
value of the action being worth American lives.

So just what was it that he was opposed to in Vietnam?