the walgreen's pharmacy was broken into and a large amount of viagra was
taken.  the local police said to be on the look out for two hardened
criminals.

My mother taught me to read when I was three years old (her first 
mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet 
doors was ajar.I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why 
she was  keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the 
kitchen??? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me 
that those were for special occasions".

Now fast forward a few months...

It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and 
his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were 
gone.
Mine was to set the table. When they returned, the pastor came in first 
and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then 
began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came 
mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on 
the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork 
carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they 
didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the 
other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you SAID they were 
for special occasions!"

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable
beds, and other athletic facilities.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable
that lots of women wear nothing else.