Yeah, she's beautiful, but you can't find her IQ with a flashlight.
                                      
--- from "The Greatest American Hero"

I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.

Kipling in "Just So Stories" (1902), 
           "How the Camel Got His Hump"

I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her,
and she said that I must have been out drinking again.
I asked her why she would say that, and she said,
"Because I'm your father." 

    - Dave George 

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

                                                          -- George Bernard Shaw

(speaking of his family's habit of laughing over his father's drunken
escapades)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
   Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
   because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
   forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live
   forever.
   -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest