I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the
shape of an Ouija board.  You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the
table would move across the floor to it.

I went to the cinema, and the prices were:  Adults $5.00, children $2.50.  So I
said, "Give me two boys and a girl."

"... and call off Christmas!"
                        -- Alan Rickmann, aka the Sheriff of Nottingham,
                                "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"

Engineer: a person who knows a great deal about
very little and who goes along knowing more and
more about less and less, until finally he knows
practically everything about nothing. 

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that
9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.