There was a young girl named Dalrymple 
               Whose sexual needs were so simple. 
                    She enjoyed the full spasm 
                    Of a perfect orgasm 
               By frigging herself on a pimple. 

Brian is an idiot!
 And everybody knows
 When he goes to bed at night
 He puts polish on his toes

 Brian is so stupid
 He sucks himself all day
 And when I went to a farm once
 And saw him eating hay

 Brian is a numbskull
 He loves a girl named Jade
 And he wanted her to kiss him so much
 Once he even paid

Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
"The men like to spread my two legs, 
Then slip in between, 
If you know what I mean, 
And leave me the white of their eggs." 

There was a young fellow named Perkin
Who always was jerkin his gerkin.
His wife said, "Now Perkin,
Stop jerking your gerkin,
You're shirking your firking, you bastard." 

A renowned archaeologist Vern,
Who unearthed an Egyptian clay urn,
Found himself devastated
When the markings, translated,
Clearly read, "No Refill/No Return."